How to Get Unstuck, Permanently
Hey, it’s David Bayer. Thank you for stopping in today for a little dose of inspiration, intelligence, and wisdom about how to get unstuck in our lives and how to create the life we love. How do we reclaim this power that we have access to, love our life, and live our purpose? That’s what we’re always talking about at DavidBayer.com. Today, I wanted to talk to you about the number one thing that people come to me for, whether it’s in my private practice, or in my group coaching programs, or my live events, and that’s because they feel stuck.
So, most people don’t come because they want to live their dreams. They come because of a problem. But, problems and dreams sit on the same spectrum. So, the reason why we’re stuck is because we’ve got this thing over here that we want – this goal, this dream, this thing in our life – and the “stuck” is preventing us from accomplishing it. Sometimes, we’re stuck around our life purpose, and really finding what it is that we’re here to do, and how we can serve in our life in a greater way, and sort of combine our work, and our passion, and our life all into one. But, sometimes, we’re stuck on little things, like wanting to lose 20 pounds, or wanting to be in a relationship, or wanting to get out of a relationship.
What’s important is to really start to understand what this “stuck” is. As I always say, “If we don’t understand what it is, there’s no way that we can actually find a solution for it.” And it turns out that stuck is a great place to be. The reason why stuck is a great place to be is because the discomfort of not accomplishing this thing, or creating this thing, or being the way that you want to be over here in your dreams has become so intense that you’re forced to do something about it. Now, you can do one of two things. You can actually create a breakthrough, which is what I’m going to talk to you about today, or you can soothe yourself. You could become addicted to worrying.
You could become addicted to complaining. You could become addicted to alcohol. You could become addicted to drugs. You could obsessively check your social media. You could use food in order to soothe yourself. So, in one way, shape, or form, you’re going to do something. The question is, are you going to do something that’s going to move you towards creating the life that you dream of living or you going to do something that continues to perpetuate the stuck feeling and gives you temporary relief.
So, what is “stuck?” Stuck is the experience of this internal dialogue that you’re not currently aware of, and it’s a dialogue between two voices. One voice is the voice of your destiny. It’s the higher part of you, the infinite intelligent part of you, your authentic self, and it really knows what it is you want out of this life and how to get you there. It’s saying, “Come on. Let’s do this thing. Let’s go meet some new people. Let’s start this new business idea that we have. Let’s go on this great adventure because all of the other things that we want from our life are going to come out of this experience.” But, it’s always moving you into the unknown. Then, over here, you’ve got another voice, which is the voice of your brain, or your mind, or your ego, and it’s the lizard part of you, it’s the ancient part of you, it’s the survival part of you that wants to keep you safe and secure. So, there’s this internal conflict because everything that you want is in the uncertainty and the unknown, but the more dominant part of your mind wants to keep you safe and secure in the known. So, this dialogue and the emotions that spring from it are what that feeling of stuck is. It’s the anxiety, it’s the depression, it’s the feeling like you’re not really living the life that you dreamed of living. It’s the worry, and then that manifests as the complaining, and the resentment, and the anger, and all of the other ways that you’re showing up in life that you don’t feel good about.
So, what do we do about it? Well, the first thing we have to do is we have to become aware of this internal dialogue. So, you got to get really honest with what you want and then you got to listen to this voice in your head, your ego, that’s telling you why you can’t have it, all the reasons, all the stories, all the limiting beliefs. In fact, one of the things I do when I feel stuck is I get real quiet, I listen to that dialogue, and I start jotting it down. I’m not good enough. I’m not doing enough. There’s not enough time. Why would anybody want to hire me to do that? Other people are already so good at it, why would I think that I could do it? How am I ever going to catch up to them? It’s really, really important that you understand what it is you believe, and that’s what this voice represents. So, the first thing I do is, I start getting connected with that internal dialogue. It’s what we would call self-awareness. It’s why every great spiritual teacher, every leader, every philosopher, every phenomenal businessman, all the great industrialists, they all said the same thing: “Listen, if you want to create a life that you love, if you want to do something extraordinary and be someone extraordinary, you got to become self-aware” because it’s this internal dialogue and that voice in your head that’s dictating all the results in your life. It’s dictating all the actions that you take. It’s dictating your behaviors.
So, once you become aware of all these things that you’ve been believing for a very long time, the next thing to do is question it. Say, “Is that true? Is it really true that I can’t figure out what I need to do in order to move forward on this new business idea? Is it really true that there’s no good men or women left out there? Can’t I find some evidence that there might be a good man or women out there? Don’t I know someone who is in a quality relationship with the type of person that I’d like to be in a relationship with?” Another question you could ask yourself is, “How is the opposite true? How is the opposite of there’s no good men or women out there true? How is it absolutely true I’m going to find the man or woman of my dreams? How is it absolutely true that I’m capable of getting disciplined, and going to the gym, and losing 20 pounds? How is it absolutely true that I’m exactly the right person to open up that yoga studio or start pursuing my passion as a chef and creating a business out of it?” because the brain is this extraordinary technology that no one ever gave us a manual to. The brain will find an answer to every question you ask yourself. It’s just that, most of the time, we’ve been asking ourselves really crappy questions. So, you have to start asking better questions and you’ll start getting better answers.
Once you’ve really understood what this internal dialogue is and you start asking better questions to get better answers, it’s time to make a new decision. It’s time to make a new decision about your life. What most people want to do when they’re stuck is they want to know how they’re going to do this thing before they’re really willing to commit to it. They get it backwards because the key here is you make a new decision. You say, “I don’t know how, but I know that soon I’m going to find a way to transition out of this job that I’ve been working into the thing that I love. I don’t know how, but I know that soon I’m going to meet the man or woman of my dreams. I don’t know how, but I know that soon I’m going to be able to take that dream vacation that I’ve always wanted to do. I don’t know how, but I know that soon I’m going to start creating that work of art, or that musical piece, or that book that I’ve been wanting to create for a long, long time.” What happens is, as soon as you make the decision, you get the brain, you enroll the brain focused on that outcome, and that’s when the ideas start to happen. You say, “You know what? I could do this. I could do that.” Then, circumstances and coincidences in your life start to show up to support you.
When I started doing this work, I went from being an internet entrepreneur for the last 20 years to becoming a coach, a teacher, a trainer, and a healer. I didn’t know how I was going to do it, but I made a decision that it was going to happen. And, slowly but surely, I started having ideas, and they were inspired ideas, so it motivated me to take action. Then, other people started reflecting back to me the things that I thought I wanted to do and opportunities started to show up. My first keynote speech I did was simply out of a decision that I made that I was going to start doing keynotes and some random person emailed DavidBayer.com and offered me a keynote opportunity. So, what’s important is that you make the decision, not that you figure the how. The how comes afterwards.
From that point, we start to loosen up this stuck feeling and create some action and motion in our life that then feeds upon itself. The only other thing that can really stop you is fear. I like to call fear forgetting everything about reality. It’s forgetting the fact that every time you’ve been successful in your life, you’ve decided that you were going to take action. The path then unfolded for you along the way. And, while it never went the way you expected it to, it always went better. Things always worked out. Even when you thought that something was “failure,” you can look back now that time has passed and you can see it was exactly what needed to happen because it either redirected you along a different course, or it helped you learn the skills, or develop the character that you needed in order to ultimately accomplish the thing that you wanted to accomplish. So, fear is just part of that old, ancient part of the brain that’s trying to keep you stuck in certainty and security. But, ultimately, that’s not where we’re going to be fulfilled in our life.
So, again, I hope this has been helpful for you. If you’re feeling stuck, congratulations. You’re on the brink of creating a breakthrough to your dreams. Get aware of that internal dialogue. Question that voice that has all the stories and the reasons of why it can’t happen. Make a new decision about your life and then watch as all the ideas and the coincidences start to unfold. Take a little bit of action because life requires you to co-respond to it and, together, you and this infinite intelligence will create whatever it is that you want in your life. It is law. It’s worked for me every time I’ve applied it in my life and I’ve now been able to help thousands of other successful professionals, entrepreneurs, and CEOs accomplish their dreams by applying this simple formula.
So, I hope you’ve enjoyed this video. I hope it’s served you well. If you get a chance, come over to DavidBayer.com. Subscribe to our newsletter. Get daily inspiration, training, and suggestions on how you can reclaim your power, how you can live your purpose, and how you can love your life. Join us on our Facebook page as well. Many, many blessings. I will see you soon.