How to Be More Accepting, Forgiving and Compassionate
Hey, it’s David Bayer. Welcome and thank you so much for being here today. Today, I want to speak to you about three qualities that we would all like to cultivate more. I want to speak to you about acceptance, I want to speak to you about forgiveness, and I want to speak to you about compassion – the three sisters of living an extraordinary life. So, these qualities are something that inherently we all know that we should have, that we should be cultivating, that we should be showing up in life expressing ourselves in this way. When somebody wrongs you, you should be forgiving. When somebody upsets you, you should be compassionate. But, we don’t exactly always do that, do we? There’s something funny about human beings, and I’ve seen this now that I’ve had the opportunity to speak to thousands of people, where there’s something subconscious that goes on where we say, “Yeah, okay, I get I should be compassionate. I get I should be forgiving. I get I should be accepting. But, what’s in it for me?”
Well, as if feeling good is not enough, I will tell you what’s in it for you so that you can start to become convinced that this is something you should be doing more and, of course, I’ll give you the “how” of doing it. But, what we’re learning is that every time we are feeling guilty, every time we’re resentful, every time we’re judgmental, the brain is active. So, there are actually aspects of our neurosynaptic connections that become active every time we experience those things – guilt, resentment, judgment. And, so, essentially what’s happening when we’re doing that is we’re dissipating our creative energy. There’s this old saying of something like resentment or judgment is like putting poison in someone else’s food and then eating it yourself, or something like that. I can’t remember what the old adage is. But, the idea is that you’re self-sabotaging. You are literally dissipating your creative energy. So, if you think about your creative energy as the key or the bloodline to creating whatever it is that you want in your life, what you’re doing is you’re pulling away from your own creation. So, every time you’re feeling resentful, every time you’re feeling judgmental, what you’re actually doing is you’re preventing yourself from creating what it is that you want to create because, remember, creation is a matter of putting your consistent, focused attention on your desired outcome. So, anything that’s pulling you away from that is preventing you from creating. So, when we start becoming resentful over what somebody has done to us, or we become judgmental about the way that somebody is, or we refuse to have forgiveness for somebody or for ourselves and so maybe we feel guilty, what we’re doing is we’re dissipating our creative energy. We’re dissipating our mental energy because we can actually see how certain parts of the brain light up when we’re in these states.
So, we’re also seeing that by moving over to the other side of the fence, by forgiving, by accepting, by having compassion, we actually see a change in the brain where we move into an alpha brainwave state. So, there are these various states of brain activity and alpha is what gives us access to creativity, intuition, and inspiration. It’s not so much that by having compassion and by having acceptance and by having forgiveness that we move into these states, it’s that that’s the default state that exists when we’re not dissipating our creative energy, our mental energy, on resentment, judgment, and feeling guilty.
So, how do we do that? If we’re convinced that living in a compassionate state, and living in a forgiving state, and living in an accepting state is the best for our own creation, it’s the key to creating to what we want in our own lives, how do we do it when we’re in the face of opposition? How do we do it when we’re at work and we’re in a business meeting and somebody really pisses us off? How do we do it when we feel like we’ve been wronged by our boss, or by our partner, or life isn’t going the way that we expect it to? Well, I always go back to the universal creative laws. It’s like going back to gravity. If you believe like I do, and I’m trying to convince you that life is always working for you, that experience that you’re having where you’re reacting to it in a judgmental way, where it’s creating resentment in you, where you’re feeling guilty or ashamed of whatever it is, that moment is actually a blessing because, if you get really, really aware, if you become quiet, you become attentive to your own mind, you’ll see that you’re having certain thoughts and reaction to that experience. So, your boyfriend, or your girlfriend, or your husband, or your wife might piss you off and you say, “You know what? I knew that relationships never work out.” Or, “I can’t trust men or women.” Or, “I need to do it all on my own.” It’s in that moment that that person, through your experience with them, is giving you tremendous insight into what you already believe because it’s what you already believe or, as I like to say, what you decided, the rules, the contracts that you’ve made about everything in your life that manufactures your experience. So, you and this situation have been brought together to reveal something to you about yourself. It’s a revelatory moment if you’re present for it. But, we can’t be present for it if we’re being resentful, if we’re being judgmental, and if we’re not being accepting of the situation.
So, what’s important is that every time you feel like someone wrongs you, or every time somebody pisses you off, or a situation upsets you, you say, “What is it that’s in this situation that it’s telling me about me? What is it about my reaction that is important for me to understand? What is it that’s inside of me that’s creating this situation?” When you realize that, when you say, “Oh my God, I never realized it. I always expected things to work out badly for me, or I believed other people always had the good luck, or in the situation over here where I feel like somebody’s wronged me financially that I always believed that money comes but it never stays, or that you can’t trust people in money situations,” the moment that you realize that and you realize that this person or this situation is creating this environment for your own self-revelation, it’s very easy to switch into compassion. It’s very easy to switch into acceptance. It’s very easy to switch into forgiveness. But, you have to get clued in to the fact and really buy into the fact that every experience is of your own making. You truly are responsible. You have the ability to respond to every situation in your life. Your response can either be something that dissipates your creative energy and perpetuates the types of experiences that you don’t enjoy or your response could be a deep, deep, honest self-awareness of the fact that you’ve been believing this thing for a very long time, which is your reaction, and it’s manufactured your experience. In that space, you can make a new decision. You can create a new belief. You can have compassion, forgiveness, and acceptance for anything that’s going on.
So, I hope that’s been helpful for you. It’s been tremendously helpful for me. I haven’t always been a person who has been peaceful, compassionate, forgiving, accepting, but I’ve realized that this benefits me tremendously in my life and so I’ve made a concerted effort in my day-to-day experiences to try to see how life is working for me and not against me. It’s served me tremendously well.
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So, many, many blessings. Claim your power. Live your purpose. Love your life. I will see you soon.